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Bhagam Bhag: Running into Engulfing Nothingness Wednesday, 15 April, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Bollywood.
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This is one my old reviews posted elsewhere.

Background & Expectation

Malamaal Weekly, Garam Masala , Hulchul, Hungama, Yeh Tera Ghar Yeh Mera Ghar, Hera Pheri. What’s common? Priyadarshan is the Director. My favourite Director.

Hera Pheri, Hungama and Malamaal weekly, redefined comedy is semi-urban context! Humour expected in Priydarshan and Neeraj Vora combo is a balanced blend of slapstick sequences and intelligence in dialogues, with exceptional performances by actors like Paresh Rawal, Rajpal Yadav.

Bhagam Bhag was supposed to be a comeback for Govinda. Govinda, my favourite again. The master of no brainer comedy flicks. I believe, he somewhat started the laugh riot under the able guidance of David Dhawan. Hadh Kar di Apne, Dulhe Raja, the No 1 series are all my favourite time-pass movies.

So, for all the reason stated above my expectation from Bhagam Bhag was high, high above. Especially, when it was expected to be a comic mystery!

Watching Bhagam Bhag was a letdown of the year. The movie ended up as a 3-hour torture for me. I had similar experience watching Sajan Chale Sasural (I ran out of the hall halfway).

The Cast & Story

I will try to be as detailed as possible. It will not really matter if you don’t understand the story. The Director himself had let the story go on its own.

Govinda & Akshay Kumar are the key members of a drama group owned by Paresh Rawal (Champak Chaturvedi). Akshay is “Bunty” and Govinda is “Babla” ( B&B). Notice the sheer intelligence in the character naming! Both these characters are rationally attracted towards the female flesh, because of which none of the lead actresses are able to stay in the group. The movie starts with an item number (?) featuring Bong bomb Tanushree Dutta, gyrating her flabby torso along the weird tune of ” Signaaal, pyar ka signaaal”. Other than showing her cleavage & bum from different angles and other interesting parts of her body during the song/ dance she slaps Govinda before vanishing out from the movie.

Asrani, who is a NRI promoter, likes Ms Dutta and invites the entire group to put up a show in London ( why the hell was London  chosen?). Tanushree is enticed by B&B (separately, of course) and she leaves the group.  The suckers then fly down to London w/o her, after the group decided to find a suitable desi replacement in London. Champak declared he, who brings the girl will get to be the hero.

Tempted by the offer, Babla befriends the Taxi driver Gullu ( Rajpal Yadav). Bunty follows Babla.  They find Lara Dutta ( Minni), a dumb made-up lady suffering from suicidal tendency. She agrees to play the heroine (why, not explained in the movie). Then comes the never-ending army of characters, you name the chump and he is there –

CP Mehra- Jackie Shroff (the commissioner , actually looks like a old unpaid watchman)

Guru- Shakti Kapoor (the musician turned drunkard, breaks all his 4 limbs at the end)

Haka- the bald old & swaying tapori, who always get beaten in all the movies (what’s this suckers name?)

Vikram Chauhan- Arbaaz Khan. He has nothing to do, except to get killed by a single bullet. That’s what I called efficiency.

Manoj Joshi– As a drug baron, he is as noisy and as clumsy he can be, and arguably one of  the good performers.

Sharat Saxena– the Ghulam villain, now demoted to sidekick of drug baron. Poor chap- he runs the maximum in the movie and jumps in the pool from upper floor.

Tanushree Dutta– Already stated

Lara Dutta– Mostly in evening gown but he should have cured her prickly heats on her back. She imagines, the blue flame of gas stove can engulf her to enchanting nothingness. Sucks all the way.

Accidentally B&B gets into a drug deal and exchanges his suitcase full of underwear against a briefcase full of “puria”. They thought In London Puria means heroine! Intelligence everywhere! They try to surrender hoping for a reward, the cops does’nt believe their story. The drug barons gathers that they are “khufia police” and starts bumping over them accidentally & repeatedly & consistently. Finally they decide to kill B & B. While tracing the background and history of Minni, B&B discovers greater details of the plot & females & names like Aditi, Nisha etc. Guru breaks his leg due to negligence of  B&B, so the desi goons led by Guru & Haka chases B & B & Gullu till the end of the movie.

All these characters are linked to the drug dealing and a criminal conspiracy against the wife of Arbaaz, who is also the sister of Jackie Shroff. Lara Dutta is forced to play the wife of Arbaaz ( but actually she is a desi babe from India, you see) and also take part in the drug business. Jackie shroff finally kills Arbaaz, as his sister was burnt alive after being drugged by Arbaaz, whom B & B thought as Minni. Because Minni was in love with Bunty and wanted to kill herself, as she was suicidal. Confused already? I have not even gone into the greater details. Okay, I will spare you people. Finally, the movie ends after a pandemonium and everyone flies in the air before falling from a fire tender turntable ladder.

Genre- Comedy Mystery

That’s what I understood. Yes it is. The mystery is to discover the comedy in the movie. It’s a movie where comedy & torture tend to converge & be synonymous. The movie drags on & on & on, characters keep coming in for the heck of it, they don’t get linked to each other, they just bumps among themselves, literally. The movie neither belongs to nonsense nor comedy, but unqualified noise to your eardrum.

Performances/ Music

The worst is by the Producer ( Sunil Shetty- popcorn entertainment) & Director. Paresh Rawal, Akshay Kumar, Govinda, Rajpal, Manoj Joshi are consistent in their individual domain. Had it been a “Nautanki”, full marks to them. Lara Dutta– pathetically dull, woody and expressionless. I, myself was feeling suicidal seeing her.  Jackie Shroff should retire now, so should Arbaaz. Sunil Shetty & Sanjay Dutt had reportedly made guest appearances. Please let men know where they were. Other characters are scattered all around the movie, and tortured to make us laugh.

Two major actors Govinda & Akshay did a film together or the first time. Unfortunately, this film was a waste of their talent. Sunil Shetty can probably earn more by selling popcorn, than this movie.

The Music is unbearable. The songs are horrifying. In Signaaal number obese Govinda literally flies here & there. I always believed “flyingelephant” exists.

Bottom line- I did my biggest mistake watching this movie. If you don’t get a headache out of it, you are lucky. Worse, you can get suicidal tendency embedded on your psyche. So don’t watch it, unless you want to rediscover London.

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