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Moon Eclipsed, Gays take the Honey Thursday, 16 April, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Bollywood.
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This is my old movie review of Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltds  posted elsewhere.

What’s honeymoon?

Wikipedia defines Honeymoon as “The first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure”; ….comparing the mutual affection of newly-married persons (?)  to the changing moon which is no sooner full than it begins to wane;  usually, the holiday spent together by a newly-married couple, before settling down at home.

The movie is named as Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd. So I wondered if it’s about honeymoon (sex comedy like Blame it on Rio), Travels (like Bombay to Goa), Private (Bedroom Eyes) or Limited ( limited sex & more humour)? I went with the some doubts in mind, and unfortunately could not ju stify any word of the movie title. (People who have experience of “practical” honeymoons, can’t be fooled by a meager excursion of 6 stupid couples) After Salam-e-hics, all I can say, if it’s six, it sucks.

The story & Cast


(spoiler warning- if you are hell bent to see this movie, irrespective of any goddam review, skip the spoiler)

There is no story per se. But just separate sequence of events of past & present for of 6 (+1) couples, idiotically tried to be connected by a RJ of Radio Mirchi. (I wonder how much mullah Radio Mirchi had shell out ! A hike in the pay packets of the RJs will be a more justified investment)

6 couples (not again!) get into a chartered Pink Tata Starbus for their mass honeymoon in Goa. The following characters emerge.

1. Arjun Rampal – The stud lover in leather outfit on a Kawasaki Ninja (yes, the beast worth 2 lacs) who rides to Goa like a moron to attempt suicide with a gun. When his crush Diya Mirza licks his face, he zooms off (leaving his helmet behind, I noted) to a wooden shack in the jungle. How forking romantic. Insult of a Ninja, to say the least.

2.  Ranvir Shorey x Diya Mirza– A Gujju victim of a forced marriage with Diya.  Can’t use the loo as Diya prefers to cry sitting on the commode. He breaks the lock. Eventually sees her wife off with Ninja, calls Mangesbhai and vanishes from the movie. What a waste of a good actor !

3.  Abhay Deol (Superman) x Minissha Lamba (Superwoman) – the most irritatingly romantic Parsi couple. In childhood they survived a heavenly jolt to acquire super powers which they mutually discover. They do a superb ballet performance at everyone’s surprise ( including mine).


4. Shabana Azmi x Boman Irani– Matured & remarried Mr & Mrs 55. Shabana’s back under the shower is scene to remember. Incidentally that’s the only & only skin show in the movie. Boman is a single parent. Boman finds her daughter, shouts at her, steals her cigarettes, smokes them and get united at the end. He is the greatest entertainer, a true all rounder.

Petty-coat parasail

Petty-coat parasail

5. Kay Kay Menon x Raima Sen – Bong couple, victim of love marriage. Kay Kay is stiff, Raima wants to fly high. Looses her sari, parasailing. She also knows Karate. Kay Kay dances his soul out after consuming alcohol. Alcohol cure inhibitions.


6. Amisha Patel x Karan Khanna – the most horrible couple ever existed. Amisha’s is phenomenally successful to make me full of disgust. Karan- He is always sad & about to be gay ! Yet unhappy about that too!


7. Sandhya Mridul x Vikram Chatwal – Vikram Chatwal? The millionaire hotelier? Had a dream marriage few months back? What he doing here? Acting Gay. These millionaires are mad. Publicity ke liye kuchhbhi karega. But he is a good gay. Sexy Sandhya find her husband to be gay on their honeymoon bed. She cries, slaps and then accepts him. Marriages are made in heaven, or rather through internet.

8. The driver’s nephew x German girl– an unbelievable love story. I learnt – get beaten and lay half-dead on the road to be rescued by a foreign lady. Wait till she kisses you. Wait. Then kiss her. You are taken.

(spoilers end here)

Before I get negative I must tell the positives of the film-

1. Boman Irani- This guy is awesome. Whatever he does, does it with style. With his middle aged make-up, perfect body language and accent he makes his character living. His efforts produce some genuine laugh out louds. Especially the “dere-dere-dere” comment with the foreigner girl. The way he takes the cigarette pack out from his sock and puffs, are simple awesome. 1 star goes to Boman.

2. Kay Kay– Another genius. Neatly portrays a conservative and possessive bong husband. His effort to bring down Bougainvilleas  by blowing air was hilarious. Diamond shines out of garbage.

Kay Kay & Raima in Sajnaji Vari Vari Song

Kay Kay & Raima in Sajnaji Vari Vari Song

His drunken dance in the number “Sajnaji Vaari Vaari…” will put Manoj Bajpai in “sapne milti hai” to shame. A genuine laughable scene was when he says “hota hai- hota hai” to Ranvir when Diya flees.  He is one of the reasons I stayed back till the end. 1 star goes to Kay Kay.

3. The dance number featuring all couples & the ballet of Abhay-Minissha. The dance number will rule the party scene for some time now.

Some questions-

  • Will a girl marry a guy without pre-marital “testing” of his sexual preferences?
  • Will a guy marry a girl knowing he is gay and can never have the desire to have sex with a girl?
  • Why a bong lady have to always wear that Parinita type blouse?
  • Why a conservative husband allow his wife to paraglide in a sari?
  • Will any decent woman ever wear violet petty-coat & yellow blouse?
  • Why will a guy realize he is kinda gay-ish just after marriage?
  • Why a guy who can own a Kawasaki Ninja, stay in a rotten shack?
  • Why there is no sex in the honeymoon?
  • Why there are large posters of scenery in the hotel bedrooms?
  • Who the hell is Karan Khanna?
  • Are gays really unhappy?
  • Why will honeymooners waste their quality time on talking rubbish?
  • Why Shaban Azmi is taking part in such movies?
  • Does Vikram Chatwal need more money than he already has?
  • Is Reema Katgi a lesbian?

I am still looking for the answers. If you know please tell me. If you don’t please don’t see the movie.

The movie is full of kid humour, but you can’t take your kids to the movie. If you take along, be ready to explain what “gay” means, to them). Most  ” normal ” married couple may dislike the way honeymoon is portrayed.

I feel all gays must revolt against this movie. If I was gay I would have started a revolution by now. But am just happy, not gay.

I did not find the movie funny and IMO, the movie is bad enough to discourage newly wed couples from honeymooning.

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Comments»

1. Rofl Indian - Sunday, 21 June, 2009

Honeymoon Travails…really.
Enjoyed reading the masterpiece once again 🙂
……………..
~uh~: old hobbits die hard 😉


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