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Hangover:10 worst Hindi Movies of 2007 Friday, 17 April, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Bollywood.
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ad nauseam

This is on the best (of the worse) Hindi movies of 2007, which stood out of the ordinary and had something unusual to offer. I have cherry picked those movies, rather gesamtwerk in celluloid, which had strong after effects on me- acute headache, prolonged diarrhea, sleeplessness, nausea, running nose, backache, hallucinations, dehydration, asphyxiation, toxicity, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, pot-belly, post-traumatic stress disorder, withdrawal symptoms, tennis-elbow, bikers-foot, pigs-head and associated side-effects.

I have selected those movies, which I have braved after paying the full price of the ticket from my tax-paid earnings. I subjected myself (& sometimes to my family as well) indulge in those unforgotten experiences I had with kilograms of popcorns & liters of aerated drinks (not to mention the nicotine during the interval and some cases anytime in between the start & the end of the movie). Then I cared to write reviews on few of them. I have discovered sparks of cinematic brilliance from these movies and there has been learning too.

My only discontent, I couldn’t un-turn all the stones. Those work of arts in cinema, which gave me the boost to wait for another filmy year with paranormal fortitude.

Here goes my humble homage to them, the ten tour de force, worse among equals.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Welcome

Doctor Ghungroo wanted his nephew to get married with a girl from a spotless family background. The best part of the film was the see-saw wooden cottage over a cliff and the people swaying within. No fatalities. I celebrated the ending of the movie by hugging the auditorium sweeper.

Discovery- The painter in Anil Kapoor, Katrina Kaif can April fool, Feroze Khan is alive.

Recommended for- Painters, tourists to Dubai, Mafia Dons, Doctors, Hockey players.

Learning- Never hide under a funeral pyre.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Dhol

Storyof 4 friends and a damsel in distress adopted from Malayalam “Harihar Nagar”. The line “Goti Kalti Maar” symbolizes the escapism of Indian youth. The credit roll is the longest screen prsence of the movie. There’s a competition; which has more curls, twists & turn, Kunal Khemu’s new hairstyle or the movie? Winner gets a Dhol.

Discovery- Tanushree Dutta, dressed. A shutdown laptop monitor can be used as a mirror.

Recommended for- Petrol Pump owners, Ram Gopal Varma ( For his next production RGV Ki Dhol)

Learning- When in problem, lie (I mean recline) and give time for truth to prevail.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Laga Chunari Me Daag

How a girl struggles from Banaras to Bombay to lose her battle against odds of life. While her sister portrays the ideal Indian woman. The mother stitches something throughout the movie.  Everything ends happy happy with colorful multiple marriages.

Discovery- Nothing is clichéd in Bollywood. Neither the Chunari nor the daag.

Recommended for- Washing machines

Learning- Marriages solve all problems in life.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Cash^

An outsourced crime plan to retrieve diamonds, gone wrong in Cape town. Everyone had a bad hair day. Sunil Shetty even had a bad-beard-day.

Discovery-  The dhundhla guy. Should be given the best supporting actor’s trophy.

Recommended for- Animation students, South African administration

Learning- Never cast Ajay Devgan without Kajol.

RGV Ki Aag^

Well, in short it is Sholay, deep-fried in RGV’s fire. Served cold & messy. A landmark in Indian cine history.

Discovery-  There’s no contemporary replacement of Asrani ! Nisha Kothari can’t light her bidi.

Recommended for- Fire fighters, cine students, insect catchers.

Learning- Never play with fire.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Jhoom Barabar Jhoom

Storytelling starts in Waterloo station and ends in a dance competition. In between a mysterious gypsy Amitabh sings the same song, repeatedly. Lara sports a wig & miniskirt, manages both. Abhisake gets to kiss both the girls.

Discovery- Preity doesn’t mind being kissed before brushing teeth in the morning, if it’s Abhisake.

Recommended for- Gypsy musicians, Jaya Bachchan, lawyers

Learning- Trains must reach Waterloo on time & every time to stop such movies from making.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Nishabd

A loud story of an ageing photographer’s untainted love (not lust) for his daughter’s friend. We get to see a Maruti Gypsy, Zia Khan’s legs & sprawling tea gardens of Munnar, in abundance. Pity his wife didn’t accept the relationship, even after Zia’s legs were covered.

Discovery- There’s hope even after 25 years of marriage. Zia’s legs need a full documentary to do justice.

Recommended for- Aging photographers, Tea garden managers.

Learning- You need a dark room to ‘develop’ outputs of a digital camera.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Red: The Dark Side^

Neil gets a heart transplant and plays peeping Tom with donor’s wife. Later he plays Tom & Jerry. In between Himess fills the air with his melancholic cry (for a nose replacement).

Discovery- Celina can’t weep, sleep and creep. Aftab has muscles too.

Recommended for- Psychopaths, heart surgeons, undergarment designers

Learning- first impression is lust impression.

Salaam-e- Ishq: A Tribute to Love

Inter-connected tales of six couples & their never-ending saga soaked in brine. Winds blow, clothes fly and tears flow. Three hours and twenty minutes later was it Love Actually?

Discovery- Anything big & long is not better always.

Recommended for- patients of sleep apnea & their doctors, insomniacs, unmarried couples

Learning- Everything, however long & painful has an end.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Shoot-out at Lokhandwala^

A distorted portrayal of police misanthropy & acquittal, which happened few years ago in Mumbai. After 15,000 rounds of firing, the unanswered question remains “who is Ganpat“?

Discovery- If nature calls in between making love, you are dead.

Recommended for- Tussar Kapoor or any wannabe sharpshooters

Learning- Don’t go by names. Meeta Mattoo & Fattu can be bravehearts.

……………………………………………………………………………………….

Vale, lacerte!

I am agonized for missing many promising others- Fool & Final, Shakalaka Boom Boom, Naqaab, Raqeeb, Train, Kya Love Story Hai, MP3, Good Boy Bad Boy, Buddha Mar Gaya, Go, Old is Gold…

But there’s always next time. Welcome 2008 !

*grin*

ps: ^ = detailed movie reviews by ~uh~available on this blog.

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Comments»

1. Rofl Indian - Tuesday, 28 April, 2009

Great to read the review again. Its not too late yet….what about the worst of 2008?
Cheers

~uh~™ - Wednesday, 29 April, 2009

Hangover 2008 is not a bad idea 😉
Some flashback is required.
There’s enough material already for worst of 2009 too 😀


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