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Tribe of Internatives Friday, 12 June, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Internet, Soceity & Cultures.
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.– Peter Steiner, cartoon in The New Yorker, July 5, 1993

My first email ID was created in 1998 on Hotmail and subsequently the Yahoo ID. After we learnt how to send messages with attachment, we were excited to call up friends and ask whether they have got the email. Then we were enlightened with IRC (Internet Relay Chatting), that time there were no instant messenger. There use to be chat sites and yahoo used to be one of them where we struggled to act cool with a 56kbps dial-up connection. Much later MSN and yahoo messenger arrived with the concept of ‘rooms’. Gradually arrived the broadband, voice chat and webcam, G talk, SNS and online friendship were never the same anymore. Personally, I am member of more social networking sites than the number of ‘real’ (offline) friends I have.

Before you get bored, my intention is not to write an essay on ‘Evolution of Internet and its Socio-psychological Impact on Making Friends and Influence People’ here.

I want to write about various ‘Internet personalities’ gathered from my 11 years of online experience.

tagPicture courtesy: zuludancing thru’ stumbleupon.

So here goes, the types –

The Oozing Oomphs

These sweet talking female phoren species that used to be found in the yahoo chat-room called ‘Whipped Cream with a cherry on top’. They usually introduced them as 23 and single and their occupation as table dancer/ waitress/ dancer in the up-market club. However after some interaction, they turn out to be 38, divorced twice with 4 kids of different ages from different fathers and their occupation is to take care of distressed and suffering animals. They also maintain multiple IDs and chat in their various avatars simultaneously, to double time a ‘prey’.

The Disguised Continuum

They pretend to be the sweetest on the earth compassionate, motherly and the most dedicated spouse on earth, but actually are bored to death bimbos looking for the slightest opportunity to flirt. On the other hand, many desperate men pose as women to get friendly with women with the same intention. Finally when they get caught it normally results into a hilarious anecdote.

The Insomniac Superman

Typically they are online 25×7. They are uncrowned kings of internet. Firewall can’t stop them, sleep can not beat them. They write everywhere and are hyper-active on all social and networking platforms. They maintain multiple blogs, they chat with everyone, they discuss on online forums, they answer questions, they review whatever they read, listen and see, they write on almost everything they do from politics to movies and that too in a frequency that even Google reader finds it difficult to cope with. The greatest characteristic of Superman is that they safely maintain a day job too!

The Lucky Juliets

They appear to live a placid life and enjoying (writing about) every bit of it. They seem to be single, carefree and independent irrespective of their marital status. They have more leisure time than other types and normally utilize it to the fullest on the net. Most of the lucky Juliet’s are gifted with unique aptitude towards many extra curricular interests including shopping, culinary experiments, glass-painting, star gazing, abstract poetry, embroidery, soduku solving, writing romantic novels and online gaming. They normally have a specific online circle of people with similar extra curricular activities which vaguely resembles Alice in Wonderland.

The Clandestine Romeos

These are smart, single and charming personalities with a cultivated sense of humour and exclusive areas of interests like gliding, white water rafting, expensive customized cars and wild-goose chasing. They too manage to create a niche circle and successfully maintain it for years without revealing much about themselves.  They prefer to be secretive about their real identities and don’t even tell their real names to anyone (except may be for the Lucky Juliet). They are also member of many social forums but they do not maintain the same ID everywhere, making it virtually impossible to figure them out in real life.

The Escapist Professional

These people live two completely opposite and radical lives. On their real life they are serious professionals like Consultants, Doctors, Engineers, Managers in large enterprises, Software Project Managers and Chartered Accountants who actually wanted to be in creative fields like Advertising, Film-making , Writing or Photography, but for various reasons, could not. They are busy with work and responsibilities in their day jobs which they undertake as fast as possible with much sincerity and dedication, to login to www. Once they login as their internet avatars, they switch to an altogether different personality. To avoid he shock value to their real life acquaintances and the disastrous consequences; they never mix their online buddies with their real life.

The Happy Family

In this case the whole family (including the mother-in-law too) is active online. They share their daily life chores with the whole world, while various family members compete to reach the highest degree of PDA. Every moment is a happy moment for this online family which is captured through video and audio and archived for future generation to cherish.

The Witty Geeks

Irrespective of their marital status and job responsibilities they have a superior sense of humour and pleasant personality. They are highly tech savvy and equipped with latest developments in and around the web. Unlike the escapist professionals, quite candidly, they can make fun of themselves and people around them (including their wives/ husbands/ boss as the case may be). Unfortunately most of them underestimate their true potential and get trapped into the mundane before gradually converting into Clandestine Romeos and Lucky Juliets.

The Arrogant Intellectuals

It’s impossible to guess their real age unless they reveal it as they discuss any topics ranging from international politics to Vedic theosophy with equal maturity. They are truthful and honest in their comments and hence not liked in any MAS (Mutual Admiration Societies). Their language includes profanity and opinions are harsh, so not many people dare to get close with them.

The Desi Expats

They are well settled with jobs and live a good life abroad, with a moderate amount of free time to write about anything desi and nostalgic. They quickly catch the slightest of the ripples in current Indian politics, films, cricket, terrorist attack, rain, flood and anything that creates a ripple here, spice up the incident with adequate dose of humour and intelligent cross references and churn out another feather to their cap of fame. They also tend to hide their real self and create a ‘brand’ to take shelter underneath.

The Famous Fakes

The lucky few of the online fakes who makes it big banking on sheer ingenious and innovative ideas with suitable marketing skills.

The Categorizer

Most useless of the lot, misfit in any online forum due to lack of socializing qualities (scratch-scratch), who are devoid of any identifiable qualities except categorizing online personalities.


“The Internet is a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean, “people without lives.” We don’t care. We have each other…” – Dave Barry quotes (American Writer and Humorist best known for his weekly newspaper column. b.1947)



1. witsnnuts - Friday, 12 June, 2009

Ha ha .. so much of research has gone into this post.. rather so much of yrs..
and which category are you ???? 🙂
~uh~: Obviously the good for nothing ‘The Categorizer’.

witsnnuts - Saturday, 13 June, 2009

Ha ha 😀

2. Smita - Friday, 12 June, 2009

wohoo!!! thats a nice collection & categorisation. But I don’t I feel I fit in anywhere or do I?

Ah! may be am The Lucky Juliet 😀
~uh~: Who are you ? Who am I ? Sab maya hai.

3. Rofl Indian - Friday, 12 June, 2009

Good good. Then there are poets galore. From 6.5 to 65 years. And there are automated programs – which can chat, spam, reply, write reviews, upload pics of birds, bees, leaves, shoes, nappies and all other things of profond interest, and generally make their presence known by a number of painful ways.

Wonder where I fit!
~uh~: The automated program is the love-child of Insomniac Superman and a Bot.
You probably fit in OT (Overtime) 😉

4. couchpapaya - Friday, 12 June, 2009

oooh subtle way to poke at all ur online aquaintances eh ?? u must be the escapist professional ? unfortunately it’s easy to categorise others, not so easy to be self-aware 😦
~uh~: I am the good for nothing Categorizer .
This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill – the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill – you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. – Morpheus, Matrix 1999.

5. Ava - Saturday, 13 June, 2009

I wish I were a Famous Fake.

~uh~: 🙂

6. whatsinaname - Saturday, 13 June, 2009

aha Mr Categorizer! 😀 Good analysis there! How about giving examples too 😛
~uh~: “Reason is the wise man’s guide, example the fool’s”- Old Welsh Proverb
No quote for women though 😛

7. bouncing-bubble - Sunday, 14 June, 2009

This is some research. Also noticed you’re getting proverbial these days.
What did you mean by “the black one”??
~uh~: “A proverb is the wisdom of many and the wit of one.”– John Russell. 🙂
Those characters are not drawn by me, I found it from internet.

8. Spike - Sunday, 14 June, 2009

Now that u know the types, can u put me into a category too ? 🙂
~uh~: How can I ? I don’t even know your name ! 🙂

9. Spike - Sunday, 14 June, 2009

lol, the image to the right matches my internet alias too 😛
~uh~: You mean the ‘Star’ ?

10. Vee - Monday, 15 June, 2009

Revisiting those days, eh? I see myself sparingly spread in so many of them.. more than 4 I can see.. lol, but I have sobered down..
~uh~: I guess everything changes with time and ‘versions’. Glad you could relate to this 😉

11. Lynn - Tuesday, 16 June, 2009

whew! i didn’t find myself on that list. apparently you left out the actual honest chick that entertains herself more than her readers. but seriously, i should get out of bed more. wink. just found your site, gotta go browse it now.
~uh~: Thanks to Naursemyra 😉
I checked your site. Left a mark.

Lynn - Tuesday, 16 June, 2009

after re reading- i guess i’m the lucky juliette but you say that like it’s a bad thing.
~uh~: Not actually. I am simply jealous, you see :-\

12. Abha - Friday, 19 June, 2009

i am The Happy family!! 😀

~uh~: Do they call this ‘zen’ ?

Abha - Tuesday, 23 June, 2009

am sure they do! tho i attained the stage even when it was called simple peace of mind, then nirvana and now Zen! 😉

~uh~: Mama- Mia, Pom Pom* 😉

*pom= piece of mind

13. Nishchaya - Tuesday, 30 June, 2009

I definitely belong to the categorizer – the most useless of the lot. But I would definitely feel proud to be a part of this elite community :))
~uh~: Welcome to the no-lifer’s club 🙂

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