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22 Reasons To Watch Tashan Now Thursday, 9 July, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Bollywood, Movies.
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This was one of my old unfinished reviews, lying on the drafts folder. The ongoing reviews of Kambaqt Ishq reminded me of this movie and I thought of publishing this after some modification.

For a change I will also be  in brief (meaning, within 5000 characters with spaces).

This is not exactly a review. There are many more reviews to understand the storyline, performances, direction and other technical stuff, pluses and minuses of this neo-noir roadie motion picture. Unfortunately, I could not leave my brain back home in the fridge as recommended by some reviewers. I actually went to see Ironman . Unfortunately, the print did not reach on time to the hall, and they changed the show to Tashan. It was morning show and ticket was only 60 bucks and we were very disappointed to turn back, empty headed, so we agreed.

Well equipped with the knowledge gathered from multiple reviews I kept my expectation as small as Kareena’s hotpants. But amazingly enough Tashan exceeded my expectation. So let me list out the facets which I found to be quite educative, subject to suspension of little bit of  disbelief, common sense, logic, logistics and keeping difficult subjects like physics, chemistry, biology on standby mode.

You can learn –

  1. How to deliver underwater monologues without letting air bubbles out.
  2. How to go to Mumbai to Hardwar, driving a 2 seater convertible Mercedes via Tibet. And mind you, that’s a shortcut. Similarly, Rajasthan to Kerala backwaters takes no time to travel.
  3. How car’s number plate changes when you drive it off the road in high speed
  4. How to manhandle a car stereo and jump into a pool of water deep enough for a submarine, but shallow enough for the actors to stand knee deep on it.
  5. A 40+ year old guy with a weird handlebar moustache (50% natural 50% made up) can be a ‘call centre executive’.
  6. Call centres are actually online telephone directory of mobile numbers.
  7. How to pick and dry ‘ladies banyan’.
  8. How to drive a bike from Malad Mindspace ( where most of the call centers exist)  to VT ( 40 Kms) in less than 10 minutues.
  9. How to asphyxiate English language. Tashan supercedes Borat on this parametre.

10. How to wear colorful tent house material as skirt and dance too.
11. Its cool to wear a antifit green cargo with huge red belt for a call centre executive.
12. The original Jimmy Cliff, a 60 year old Jamaican reggae singer doesn’t even know how he is so well known in UP.
13. Pronouncing ‘ich’ in place of ‘is’, my dear phellow, can be a Tashan too !
14. How to steal electricity and survive high voltage shock directly sent from Transformers.
15. Why ‘ditch’ rhymes with ‘bitch’ and it rhymes with ‘itch’.
16. Manly way to scratch the part of the body, in between 2 legs of Akshay Kumar, named Tom and Harry.
17. Why “Spoof” and “Goof” is related to ‘oof” !
18. Identify  and count the ribs of Kareena with your kindergarten kid.
19. White white face dekhe dilwa beating fast sasura chance mare re- it’s a song picturized with white female dancers for a foreign film.
20. Even a  bikini can quialify to be be nominated for the best  ‘supporting’ role.
21. A heroine with size zero is called Zeroine.
22. Tashan is anyday more entertaining movie than RGV Ki AAG.


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    Comments»

    1. le embrouille blogueur - Thursday, 9 July, 2009

    Now I have ROFL’s reviews and yours to follow before I decide to waste any time on silver screen comic relief …didnot get the reason behind renumbering ..apparently she is not zero anymore …..as usual …very “phunny” !!!
    …………………………
    ~uh~: My taste for movies is pretty radical, I make it a point to watch some movies and get a surreal satisfaction writing about them 🙂
    E.g- Red, Cash, Bombay to Bangkok etc. Tashan wold remain as a memorable milestone in that aspect.
    The renumbering was technical error- rectified now.

    2. Rofl Indian - Thursday, 9 July, 2009

    I watched Tashan too, but since I did not write down the important points then and there, I have conveniently forgotten the whole story 😦

    But the sheer effort of Kareena is really praiseworthy….she eventually managed to become a surgeon inspite of becoming a zeroine so early in life!

    Bikini in a ‘supporting role’ sounds the best bet for the Film-Fire Award 😉
    …………………………..
    ~uh~: Honestly I love Tashan. My only complaint was the ‘Engliss’ that Anil Kapoor was speaking should have been subtitled.
    The question is This journey of surreal nonsense which is started by Akshay Kumar from Tashan via Chandnichowk to China has reached Kambaqt Ishq now. Where will it end ?
    Akshay should also be made the President of ‘Dick Tracy’ foundation.

    3. Whacky - Thursday, 9 July, 2009

    Awesome trully awesome 😉
    ………….
    ~uh~: Oh you bet!

    4. PodaPunaku - Thursday, 9 July, 2009

    hahahhaa….I have gathered a ton from this review…if I go see tashan…that will be info overload..and there fore I thank you and will not set my eyes on Tashan!
    ………………..
    ~uh~: I actually wanted people to encourage to see this movie. Anyway, your loss 😉

    5. Ms Taggart - Thursday, 9 July, 2009

    Hahaha.. I heard how lousy this movie is.. I know someone who went to this movie with the sole intention of watching Kareena and her bikini, but that scene got cut because he was seeing that movie in Bahrain! 🙂
    ………………..
    ~uh~: Tashan in Bahrain ! What is left after cutting Kareena & bikini is just *ash** of a movie !

    6. Nil - Friday, 10 July, 2009

    the part of the body, in between 2 legs of Akshay Kumar, named Tom and Harry
    haha……mast way to put it
    ……………..
    ~uh~: Just being little subtle you see 😉

    7. bittercharm - Friday, 10 July, 2009

    hmm… I wonder if ~FE~ carries some sort of super powers… not just to survive the trauma of watching movies like tushon but to actually steal their well guarded secrets too. 😉
    ………………..
    ~uh~: Why wonder ? Accept it 😉

    8. Spike - Friday, 10 July, 2009

    while reading this review I kept confusing it with Race! The bikini looks horrible! I think indian heroines (zeroines … ROFL) should stick to white sarees… bikini is not their cups of tee! I can bet Race was better than this one… right?
    …………………..
    ~uh~: Race was serious stuff. Much much serious, like bootlegged Scotch. Tashan is more like a desi-daru.

    9. Lynn - Friday, 10 July, 2009

    i want those boots in the second image! by the way, the guy in the first image on the right is HOT!
    ………………
    ~uh~: Nice choice. The hot guy ( Saif Ali Khan) is the present beau of the owner of the boots (Kareena) and has tattoed her name on his………………….arm.

    10. couchpapaya - Friday, 10 July, 2009

    almost threw up over the blondes :S
    ………………..
    ~uh~: Play saif. Take a Hajmola.
    Btw, nice eye. Yours ?

    11. witsnnuts - Sunday, 12 July, 2009

    Ha ha. . ROFL @ zeroine.

    If i am not mistaken, the leftmost girl in the last pic is not kareena & its Shriya Saran from some tamil or telugu movie. Guess, costumer was highly inspired.


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