Spouse Grouse Friday, 11 September, 2009Posted by ~uh~™ in General Advice Humour.
Tags: bags, bust, conversation, description, Humour, Lady, Man, Size, Skirt, spouse, talk, tattoo, Wife, woman
I was reading this hilarious anecdote at doctoratlarge’s blog and I remembered something related, which I thought would be worth sharing .
On the context of description of features or parametres ( shape, size, contours) of a lady , a man can royally mess up, especially when confronted by wife. I know one man who unfailingly gets into an awkward situation, in all such cases.
A sample conversation this man was having with his wife, the other day –
Man: You know that lady from 4th floor? She was in the lift today….
Wife: Who the bulky one or the one with pathetic dress sense ?
Man: Well, I think the one with pathetic dress sense is also quite bulky. But, I think I am talking about the one who is bu…….err…I mean…..a little top-heavy.
Wife: Top heavy ? How do you know her weight, that also partially for top?
Man: No No…..I meant visually, like a composition (they were classmates in Art School)..…err…like Ajanta -Illora type silhouette, you know.
Wife: Ajanta -Illora- the Lady with the mirror or Yakshi Ambika ? (you see having an Artistic wife has its own challenge)
Man: okie, lets just say like Ayesha Takia !
Wife: What’s special about Ayesha Takia ?
Man: She has certainly grown big, since her Complan advert days.
Wife: So? So did Shahid Kapoor, the complan boy !
Man: yeah, but not that big and definitely not that way.
Wife: Aachha? So what would you describe the 8th floor one, that skinny verbose extrovert ?
Man: Well, she is more like athletic built with an undertone of Sharone Stone, but added with noticeable occidental curves.
Wife: Oh, so you seem to notice all women in the building, with an expert and observant eye for meticulous details !
Man: Arre….i was just trying to describe the lady to you.
Wife: You all men are same. All you know is to ogle at women at the lightest chance.
Man: huh? Who are the other men ?
And the topic gets diverted into some other discussion.
Another day, another conversation-
Man: You know I was talking about this girl, my ex-colleague’s friend’s sister, who stays on 7th floor?
Wife: You did?
Man: I remember telling you. I gave her a lift upto Dadar, today morning.
Wife: which girl is she?
Man: Youngish, peroxide blonde, wears skirt and all.
Wife: That’s why you gave her lift?
Man: eh? No no, I gave her lift because she was looking for an Auto outside our compound gate. I mentioned the skirt part thinking it will be easier for you to identify her.
Wife: So you offered her a lift?
Wife: Is this the same girl who is very short?
Man: she did not appear shorter than any average Indian female
Wife: Does her facial expression is mostly like this? (makes an indescribable face)
Man: whoa….I have not noticed her face that well.
Wife: You have given her lift and not notice her face at all? What were you looking at all the time then?
Man: I was looking at her bags while in the lift and then on the road while on the car.
Wife: Bags? Is this supposed to be one of your sick metaphors?
Man: what metaphor, I am talking about large bulging and sagging bags
Wife: you mean like bags bags ?
Man: yeah, she was carrying two large bags and was clearly having difficulty in carrying them.
Wife: Why was she carrying two bags to office?
Man: How do I know? That’s none of our concern anyway. The point here is whether you could place her now?
Wife: Nah…how come you only end up meeting this young girls ?
Man: Arre, she is quite conspicuous, flamboyant dressing style, tattoos, large earrings, skirt….
Wife: You have mentioned that skirt part before.
Man: oh, did I?
Wife: Yes and looks like you are besieged by the skirt
Man: besieged? I was just trying to describe her for you…
Wife: and all you have to describe is the skirt ?
Man: Arre nana….
Wife: and tattoo ? where was it ?
Man: there were more than one actually. Upper arm, rear shoulders, in between the neck and the middle of…..
Wife: my god ! What was she wearing ?
Man: An off-white sleeveless short top with pasta string or whatever they call it
Wife: Spaghetti top?
Me; yeah, same
Wife: You are so shameless.
Man: what did I do now ?
Wife: Don’t skirt the issue now.
Man: which issue?
Wife: You all men are same. All you know is to ogle at women whenever you get a chance.
And the topic gets diverted again into some other discussion.
So what is the key learning here ? Would love to hear the viewpoint 0f both species 🙂