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Spouse Grouse Friday, 11 September, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in General Advice Humour.
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I was reading this hilarious anecdote at doctoratlarge’s blog and I remembered something related, which I thought would be worth sharing .

On the context of description of features or parametres ( shape, size, contours) of a lady , a man can royally mess up, especially when confronted by wife. I know one man who unfailingly gets into an awkward situation, in all such cases.

A sample conversation this man was having with his wife,  the other day –

Man: You know that lady from 4th floor? She was in the lift today….

Wife: Who the bulky one or the one with pathetic dress sense ?

Man: Well, I think the one with pathetic dress sense is also quite bulky. But, I think I am talking about the one who is bu…….err…I mean…..a little top-heavy.

Wife: Top heavy ? How do you know her weight, that also partially for top?

Man: No No…..I meant visually, like a composition (they were classmates in Art School)..…err…like Ajanta -Illora type silhouette, you know.

Wife: Ajanta -Illora- the Lady with the mirror or Yakshi Ambika ? (you see having an Artistic wife has its own challenge)

Man: okie, lets just say like Ayesha Takia !

Wife: What’s special about Ayesha Takia ?

Man: She has certainly grown big, since her Complan advert days.

Wife: So? So did Shahid Kapoor, the complan boy !

Man: yeah, but not that big and definitely not that way.

Wife: Aachha? So what would you describe the 8th floor one, that skinny verbose extrovert ?

Man: Well, she is more like athletic built with an undertone of Sharone Stone, but added with noticeable occidental curves.

Wife: Oh, so you seem to notice all women in the building, with an expert and observant eye for meticulous details !

Man: Arre….i was just trying to describe the lady to you.

Wife: You all men are same. All you know is to ogle at women at the lightest chance.

Man: huh? Who are the other men ?

And the topic gets diverted into some other discussion.

Another day, another conversation-

Man: You know I was talking about this girl, my ex-colleague’s friend’s sister, who stays on 7th floor?

Wife: You did?

Man: I remember telling you. I gave her a lift upto Dadar, today morning.

Wife: which girl is she?

Man: Youngish, peroxide blonde, wears skirt and all.

Wife: That’s why you gave her lift?

Man: eh? No no, I gave her lift because she was looking for an Auto outside our compound gate. I mentioned the skirt part thinking it will be easier for you to identify her.

Wife: So you offered her a lift?

Man: Yes

Wife: Is this the same girl who is very short?

Man: she did not appear shorter than any average Indian female

Wife: Does her facial expression is mostly like this? (makes an indescribable face)

Man: whoa….I have not noticed her face that well.

Wife: You have given her lift and not notice her face at all? What were you looking at all the time then?

Man: I was looking at her bags while in the lift and then on the road while on the car.

Wife: Bags? Is this supposed to be one of your sick metaphors?

Man: what metaphor, I am talking about large bulging and sagging bags

Wife: you mean like bags bags ?

Man: yeah, she was carrying two large bags and was clearly having difficulty in carrying them.

Wife: Why was she carrying two bags to office?

Man: How do I know? That’s none of our concern anyway. The point here is whether you could place her now?

Wife: Nah…how come you only end up meeting this young girls ?

Man: Arre, she is quite conspicuous, flamboyant dressing style, tattoos, large earrings, skirt….

Wife: You have mentioned that skirt part before.

Man: oh, did I?

Wife: Yes and looks like you are besieged by the skirt

Man: besieged? I was just trying to describe her for you…

Wife: and all you have to describe is the skirt ?

Man: Arre nana….

Wife: and  tattoo ? where was it ?

Man: there were more than one actually. Upper arm, rear shoulders, in between the neck and the  middle of…..

Wife: my god ! What was she wearing ?

Man: An off-white sleeveless short top with pasta string or whatever they call it

Wife: Spaghetti top?

Me; yeah, same

Wife: You are so shameless.

Man: what did I do now ?

Wife: Don’t skirt the issue now.

Man: which issue?

Wife: You all men are same. All you know is to ogle at women whenever you get a chance.

Man: huh?

And the topic gets diverted again into some other discussion.

So what is the key learning here ? Would love to hear the viewpoint 0f both species 🙂

Related AEIOU ¿ ® reads- When Men Think Hard to Decide and  two more posts which mentions Ayesha Takia.


1. doctoratlarge - Friday, 11 September, 2009

If you become deaf, dumb and mute towards other girls, your wife will suspect you of having dirty thoughts for them
~uh~™: Right. It’s Gospel # 12 from the married man’s bible !

2. Kartikey - Friday, 11 September, 2009

very well written
~uh~™: Thanks for being a angel commenter !

3. spikeace - Saturday, 12 September, 2009

aarey, u shd have said the one with big boobs instead of top heavy… keep it simple and u get less in trouble.

although, u could have said, she was like Savita bhabhi and things wd have taken a completely different turn 😉
~uh~™: Oh yeah ? Will see how you do that to your wife or even to your gf. All the best 😉

4. thethoughtfultrain - Saturday, 12 September, 2009

Ans: The key learning here is that men always have their foot in their mouth!

~uh~™: Better than nothing 😉

5. le embrouille blogueur - Saturday, 12 September, 2009

The moral of the story is to use your Random Access Memory effectively once you step into the house. Do not take your job or anything that happens during the journey to and fro too seriously.Ayesha Takia …never heard of her before …(wink wink) !!!
~uh~™: Now that’s a sensible advice ! Ignorance is bliss….

6. Ms Taggart - Saturday, 12 September, 2009

Learning is that this is but normal for men to describe women this way, and the anecdote is not realistic, because not many women react in this way. They either just smile and sit through the conversation or ask more details about the girl.. Simple! 🙂
~uh~™: The anecdote is 90% realistic, fyi. Men anyway need to learn the art of tight rope walking.

7. Rofl Indian - Monday, 14 September, 2009

Why didn’t you describe them as ‘very heavy and voluminous books’ just like I did in my descriptions of Dimpy? 😉
~uh~™: Right, books always satisfy their readers 😉

8. Dinesh Babu - Friday, 18 September, 2009

Huge ROFL! Very funny! I was laughing hard as the conversation progressed, how the male always describes with innocence and then we get stereotyped!
~uh~™: ‘head I win, tail you lose’ as they say it 🙂 Thanks

9. Gyanban - Thursday, 24 September, 2009

The statement of truth does not change by the number of people following it.

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