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Blue: Amusing Blue Job Thursday, 22 October, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Bollywood.
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

The review was first published on PFC.

It's not a Blue Film, it's a Comedy !

It's not a Blue Film, it's a Comedy !

The expectation
A well promoted Diwali release. Big Stars like Akshay Kumar and Sunjay Dutt. Eye candies Katrina Kaif and Lara Dutta. Bahamas and bikinis in abundance. Kylie Minogue. Music by Rehman. Produce of Sri Asthivinayak Cine Vision that had earlier produced films like Bhagam Bhag, Jab We Met, Golmaal returns, Kidnap and Luck. Honestly, I expected something like Dhoom-2 or Race- a stylized thriller with some twists and sex.

The least I expected it to be is a comedy-circus combo !

Blue would definitely compete hard for the title of ‘the most hilarious thriller of the decade which is a superior unintentional comedy’, with another gem called Cash. It’s a pity Blue took Rs 120 Crores in Bahamas to make while Cash- a meager Rs 38 crores in Cape Town ! Another classic I can compare this with is Red. Clearly there’s some problem with primary colours.

The Plot
(Spoilers slightly discharged from this celluloid sludge)
A guy named Sam (Zayed Khan) is a self proclaimed champion biker in Bangkok. A miniskirt bimbo named Nikki (Katrina Kaif- with stud below her lower lip, glued with fevikwik) enrolls him in one of the street races. Sam wins the race and Nikki makes herself available as aloo tikki, for dinner. Sam declares his 12 hr old eternal love. She moans and vows to trust him. On her reference Gulshan (Rahul Dev), the loser of the race gives an important assignment to Sam- to deliver a Mac Guffin (a bag in this case). He zooms across thick city traffic, gets chased by the cops, loses the bag and ends up in a soup. Gulshan demands a huge compensation. Cops want him too. In short, he is Bangkok’s most wanted man. He gets further depressed when Nikki advises him to leave and save his life. Sam remembers his brother Sagar (Sunjay Dutt) in the Bahamas.

The story comes to Bahamas. Sagar is a giant pot bellied sad looking bloke who is befriended by a rich man called Arav (Akshay Kumar). Arav is a hedonist who spends his time in threesomes, while Sagar romances his girl Mona (Lara Dutta). Intermittently, they showcases their newly acquired scuba diving skills. In between, Arav wants Sagar to guide him to find a treasure which is contained in a sunken ship called ‘Lady in Blue’, which the Britishers were returning to India. Sagar is grossly disinterested in the treasure hunt. At this juncture Sam lands in Bahamas. Gulahsan follows. Bikes chase above trains and in rail tracks. Cars explode. Stuntmen do a water-scooter show with A R Rehman’s music. Mona is kidnapped (or ladynapped) after a fierce gun battle. Villas explode. Sagar confesses the truth behind his father’s death and discovery of the ship. On continuous persuasion by Arav and Sam, Sagar finally succumbs to the situation and the three gathers on Arav’s yacht to retrieve the underwater treasure.

What happens then?
The blue job goes wrong sucking the brains out of the thriller, but creates a comic entertainer.

Entertainment- Out of the Blue

The dialogues: in a good subtle comedy, it’s the dialogue that makes intelligent audience laugh. Else it becomes a Priyadarshan type slapstick madcap one, meant for low IQ masses. Each and every dialogue of Blue is a masterpiece on its own.

Sample these-

Nikki: Hum ko mile 12 ghante bhi nahin hue aur tum humure future ke bare me soch rahe ho ?
Sam: Main to peechle bara ghante se hi humure future ke bare me soch raha hoon ! Aur tum ?
Nikki: Sabkuchh batane ki zaroorat nahin hota *lips tremble*
Sam: *grins* (but gets a boner, secretly)

Sam: Bag mein kya hai ?
Gulshan: Mauka. Utha sako to utha lo. (Now that’s called raw machismo)

Sam : Ek bag ke liye 50 million dollars kuchh zyada nahin hai ?
Gulshan: Bag mera tha to kimat bhi main tyar karunga ! (Lesson in Valuation)

Mona: Mera sapna hai ek oceanography institute, marine life ko protect karne ke liye.
Sagar: Is janam me wo sapna hi rahega. Main machhli pakadta rahunga, tum pakate rehna…. (har har har)

Sagar: Koi aadmi sirf tab andhere mein baithta hai, jab wo isqh mein hota hai ya phir pareshan ho.
Sam: Who ek aur karan bhi andhere mein baithta haijab roshni chala jaye. (makes perfect logocal sense but also makes me laugh out loud)

Arav: I always have two of everything heh heh heh.
Mona: That’s Arav for you, he has two of everything! (makes me ROFL)

Then, there were lot of interrogative dialogues using the word ‘Sawal’ which teaches a sure shot way to compose the sharpest comeback lines. I am sure this can be effectively used in office and homes. Allow me to exemplify-

Boss: Maine jo kam bola tha wo tumne kiya ?
Me: Sawal ye nahin hai ki kam maine kiya ki nahin. Sawal ye hai kam hua ki nahin.

Then at home,
Wife: Tumko aadha kilo kanda lane ke liye bola tha, laya ?
Me: Sawal ye nahin hai ki main kanda laya ki nahin, sawal ye hai ki tumko kanda nahin mili to kya honewala hai.

Akshay Kumar (nicknamed Sarkar) is simply hilarious. His dialogues, attitude, goatie, underwater antics- all makes him the head clown of this once in a blue moon venture. He makes fun of Kylie Minogue in an elite nightclub and wriggles chiggy-wiggy in a song where the cameraman tried hard, but the editor worked harder to prevent Kylie showing her undies. Let’s hope there would be uncut special features in the DVD release.

However, the cameraman successfully captures every inch of underwater Lara Dutta, except her face. Gharki murgi dal barabar.

Sanjay Dutt (nicknamed Sethji) features in one of the worst shot gunfight in the history of Hindi cinema ever. After one hundred rounds, he kills only one villain at the cost of his villa. His efficiency was better is Shootout at Lokhandwala. Though, he shouldn’t have tried so much to be emotional and romantic on screen. His efforts made him look arthritic and constipated, respectively. Also next time he should get a larger lady opposite him, may be Amrita Singh or Raveena Tandon instead of Lara Dutta. Atleast Nagma or Shilpa Shirodkar, please ?

Both, Zayed Khan and Rahul Dev to the movie were what suspenders are to a strip-dancer. They were taut, good looking and were abandoned, once the song and dance was over.

Anthony D’souza is the land Director. Clearly, the the underwater director did’nt know they were directing the same movie.


Like the scars in the blue moon, thorns in the Hilsha fish, like the nada knot in the pajama, Blue too has its own share of setbacks.

Why Katrina Kaif was so dry and dressed all along? Why was she not there in Bahamas? She should have also given a chance to go underwater. There, atleast she could have kept her mouth shut and we could enjoy the better parts of her. She was shared by Akshay and Zayed, which means the movie could have easily afforded one more bimbo. Like Prachi Desai or Zia Khan.

If Akshay Kumar is grandson of Kabir Bedi, why there was no mention of his dad? Gulshan Grover or Shakti Kapoor could have suited the role well.

The skeleton of Sagar’s dad, exactly in the same waving position at the time of his underwater death, was a very well thought out detail. However, showing the oxygen cylinders still tied to his rib cage, wristwatch and goggles, could have made it more dramatic for us viewers.

Why were the sharks just swimming around and not eating people? Were they vegan ?

I have learnt that it took the cast 15 days to master the underwater air-ring released from mouth. I am sure if they farted instead, it would have been much easier to get the desired result.

Helicopters, submarines, hot air balloons, elephants and rocket launchers should have been added in the actions. Especially when the bikes were riding the train, a hot air balloon with an elephant on it would have added stunning visual effect.

I wanted to see The Deep again, to get out of my blues.



1. Vidooshak - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

Excellent review.

You mention the other movies by SAP Seedy company. Other than Jab We Met (which was a surprise hit), all others were equally excrutiating duds. Especially Luck and Kidnap. I think if they keep this up, they will soon have their own genre of movies: Big budgets, Big Stars, Big Locations, Big Dialogues and then climax mein KLPT.

I am waiting for someone to screw up “The Hangover” now. I am sure Akki is just dying to massacre that movie…. hai na? hai na?
~uh~™ : A rare comment from a rare personality, I feel lucky !

2. Whatsinaname - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

Uh at his best again 😉
I was terribly disappointed with the movie as well. Though not a good story but I was surely expecting better underwater stunts. Sanjay dutt should stick to comedies now. He was at his worst here. And yeah music was the only saving grace.
TOI gave it 3 stars!!!!!!!
Knot in the pajama in Bahamas indeed 😉
Btw that blue job pic is just too hilarious!
~uh~™ : ‘dissapointed’ is a prasie word for this movie. This movie can take the shit out of a chronic constipation patient 🙂

3. Whatsinaname - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

Oh and I agree about them dialogues. Nikki sam exchange was just too much ha ha ha
~uh~™ : Awesome they were ! *two of everything* ROFL

4. Aditya - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

my neighbour saw a macho guy in his ford endeavour banging 2 swifts parked @ the multiplex…when asked the macho said …Blue ki frusturation nikal raha hoon !
~uh~™ : Quite a swift endevour as a reaction, I say !

5. naren - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

Ah,Sooper review! I didnt watch it but the wife and kids did and they HATED it. Elder son used to be an akshay kumar fan. No more, he says! And in younger son’s considered opinion, the best acting performance is by one of the fishes in the second half of the movie.
~uh~™ : Same with my sons, the elder one hated it, the younger asked for 4 susu breaks.

6. abhishek - Thursday, 22 October, 2009

too good…as usual…laughing my ass off.
~uh~™ : I hope you have spare asses :p

7. alok - Friday, 23 October, 2009

hmmmm every time when i plan to watch, spend on a movie you see it first and raaitaa failaa dete ho….too too bad will wait for your next reco B( !!!
~uh~™ : I will reco this for you, for the dialouges :p

8. alok - Friday, 23 October, 2009

ye verdict star sachmuch kaam kerta hai …..was checking 😛
~uh~™ : abhi tak rate nahin karta tha kya ? :O

9. Amit - Friday, 23 October, 2009

I guess this whole gimmick of Hollywoodising attempt of the Hindi cinema lately has made us lose out the charm of our own. There is so much stress on getting the “best” stunt director, the “best” ‘underwater cinematographer’, and roping in foreign babes(singers, actresses etc.) who for strange reasons are falling in the trap… Foreign locations, item numbers, remix versions of the songs…. What the hell is happening ? Where is the “content” ?

“Aarav has two of everything”..LOL! Did they really have Lara Dutta say that ?

Don’t tell me you watched this movie because it was running in the show you preferred in those special seats you reserve for yourself in the theatre close to your residence – your old excuse for bashing a movie!

~uh~™ : Nice to knote that remembered my excuse 🙂
This time I saw it expecting something unusual and I/m not complaining 😉

10. doctoratlarge - Friday, 23 October, 2009

First of all let me say that I am glad to have you back as a live and kicking blogger.
The review was fantastic. I especially liked this gem:”Both, Zayed Khan and Rahul Dev to the movie were what suspenders are to a strip-dancer. They were taut, good looking and were abandoned, once the song and dance was over.”
Thanks for saving me my hard-earned money. Besides that, if I had seen this movie I would have been blue for the rest of my life.
And lastly, never ever fly off again for so long. Blogging will lose half its fun without you.
~uh~™ : Thanks for the goof word Doc. I wish i could be as regular as I want to be 😦
Reading your blog and not able to comment feels like being an invisible man standing in a nudist colony, in a 3 peice suit.

11. Ravi Chander - Saturday, 24 October, 2009

Thanks for the warning! Will avoid this and watch Wake up Sid.
~uh~™ : Watch “All The Best”- awesome entertainer !

12. Sahil Rizwan - Saturday, 24 October, 2009

Hah! You should really check out the Blue review I did over on my blog. The amazing number of ridiculous plot premises we both agree on just goes to show how bad this movie really is. Cheers! XD
~uh~™ : Loved it man-OUTSTANDING. Btw, that font is it handwritten or a computer font its great ! I wish i could use it in my Da Kaddu series.

13. Sahil Rizwan - Saturday, 24 October, 2009

Hah! You should really check out the Blue review I did over on my blog. The amazing number of ridiculous plot premises we both agree on just goes to show how bad this movie really is. Cheers! XD

~uh~™ : I loved your DBH comic strip review, and I see you have changed your style, but the humour is intact 🙂
You have banged ’em good, man !

14. couchpapaya - Saturday, 24 October, 2009

maybe kaif is scared of water? i get so confused with so many people acting, i long for the good ole days- 1 hero and heroine to keep track of and prem chopra or amrish puri as villains. sigh.
~uh~™ : FYI Kaif was a cameo. You belong to 80’s, retro girl ! 😉

15. Rofl Indian - Saturday, 24 October, 2009

Doctoratlarge has outgunned me here. The thing about Zayed and suspenders was easily the best quote of the review.

I love such blue-sheet plots 🙂 Will watch it next week.

Joy Ma Kylie! Har har har.
~uh~™ : Joy Ma Kylie! Har har Mahadev ! Bom bhole !
Watch it for fun- no joke, you will be reborn.

16. AajPruned « Avant Garde Bloggies Awards - Monday, 1 February, 2010

[…] Blue amusing blue job […]

17. Final Nominations in Avant Garde Bloggies Awards – 2009 « Visceral Observations - Tuesday, 2 February, 2010

[…] Blue amusing blue job […]

18. Kumar vipin.kumar.92950@gmail.com - Sunday, 30 September, 2018

I.am.vipin.kumar.blue.job.interest. 8700055457.col.me.

19. Kumar vipin.kumar.92950@gmail.com - Sunday, 30 September, 2018

HI. I..am.vipin.kumar.

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