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Avatar : The Alien Ordeal Tuesday, 22 December, 2009

Posted by ~uh~™ in Hollywood.
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The post was originally posted on PFC. [link]

Pandora: artificially natural and dreamlike

This is not a review of Avatar. I am a great admirer of James Cameron and I don’t think I have the caliber to overcome the admiration and ‘review’ his cinema.

In any case, a cutting edge 3D VFX technology when patiently nurtured with gigantic and generous financial facilities over a huge period with sincere dedication, the outcome is justifiably a visual celluloid extravaganza and can hardly be called a movie.

Even if it lacks a gripping story, acting or dialogues and other aspects of film/ animation. But that has always been the problem with fantasy films, till production budgets were increased to introduce special effects to attract audience- example Harry Potter series, LOTR and Golden Compass.

Avatar is a sci-fi fantasy but it’s not a fairy tale. It doesn’t have a fascinating story to tell, which can be narrated to young kids to put them to sleep. Because they will ask many pertinent questions, which parent’s won’t be able to answer and they have to make up the answers. An imaginary conversation may look like this-

Papa: Once upon a time in future, in the year 2154, the people of earth, mainly Americans had established a base on the beautiful planet called Pandora. They had set up a hospital as they could not breathe in the air of Pandora…

Kid: What happened to other people of earth, did Americans kill them all?

Papa: No, they were busy doing their work for saving earth from other alien attacks. Now listen, in the Hospital they copied human beings into Pandorian natives called Na’vis. But like it happens with a bad Xerox machine the human beings became blue and distorted after copy.

Kid: Why did they copy human beings to Na’vis?

Papa: So that they can interact with the real Na’vis and make friends with them.

Kid: ok, they wanted to play with them?

Papa: Well not exactly, they wanted to take away their rock called Unobtanium on top of which there was this giant tree where they all lived.

Kid: But that is cheating, trying to be friends and then taking away their rock. Why Americans cheat like this?

Papa: You are diverting again. I will not tell you the story if you ask too many questions. Listen now and try to sleep..….So this beautiful and tall and tail blazing Na’vi people of Pandora stayed peacefully with these ferocious beasts like Hammerheads and Thanators and used their pigtails to bond and interact with nature. They talked in their own language. They had beautiful floating mountains, lots of trees and water and everyone was very happy because they did not have to go to office like me.

Kid: What did Na’vi’s used their tail for? How come the beasts did not kill them? Did they have schools?

Papa: That’s irrelevant. Try to concentrate on the main story. They did not disturb the beasts and knew how to protect themselves. They carried bow and arrows tipped with poison. Yes, they had a school where they learnt English.

Kid: wow, the men must be looking like Rama – tall blue with bow and arrow. Papa, did Rama have a tail back then during Ramayan days?

Papa: No, there was no mention of a tail. But yes they looked like Rama. They had their own dragons to ride and fly on, called Banshees. They used to be very happy tribe living in harmony with nature. But the American war leaders wanted to uproot them and take their rock to become more powerful.

Kid: Like you said various countries are fighting now with each other to decide how to live with nature ?

Papa: err…yes, kinda. So the very intelligent Na’vi people stayed under a tree and slept on natural hammocks and loved the Mother Nature. All the plants, flowers and grass glowed on the dark so they did not need any lamp in the night.

Kid: If they were so intelligent why they lived under a tree? Were there no mosquitoes in Pandoras?

Papa: No. No mosquitoes, no bed bugs and no alarm clocks. It’s already very late, go to sleep.

Kid: Your description matches with Ray’s creation Prof Shonku’s adventure- Swapnadweep, but it was an island and there the musical flowers that made sound which made the visitors go mad.

Papa: Yeah, but here people were already kind of insane. It’s already very late, go to sleep.

Kid: No…please tell me what happens at the end?

Papa: The blue copy of one good American soldier gets lost into the jungle and one na’vi Sita saves him. The na’vi Ram and Sita calls many other na’vi people to make a big army to save their home tree, but they could not match the torpedoes and machine guns of the Americans. So they pray to their mother goddess Eywa…..

Kid: Did the Aiwa played music like my walkman?

Papa: No. The mother goddess listened to their prayer and the bad Americans were taught a good lesson. The Ram Sita continued living on Pandora happily ever after.

Kid: I understand, were there any song and dance at the end?

Papa: No. In year 2154 you don’t waste time in singing and dancing. Now sleep. I will take you to the movie and you’ll know why it is important to sleep.

Ram- Sita of Pandora ?

As I was telling, Avatar is a trip. A trip to a hallucinating dream world called Pandora which was never been made accessible by anyone or anything, (except for good quality dope, probably).

Anyway to sum up here’s my key takeaway from Avatar-

  • Power = gazillion tons of gunpowder, torpedoes, uncountable flying war ships, choppers and machine guns.
  • Head of Security=  A living J I Joe with decorative scar marks to match his hairdo
  • Ladies: Either a scientist or hot barb wire type chick in banyan
  • Good skin= Blue skin
  • Hairdo= long pigtails
  • TDH ( Tall dark handsome)= TBH ( Tall Blue Handsome) with a tail
  • Love= love
  • Kiss= Kiss
  • Sex = taboo

Avatar, at one part is so full of clichéd character profiles, sequence of events and dialogues that it was like déjà vu of watching all those sci-fi American films made of the theme of war, humanoids, androids and destruction. The other part, the imaginary futuristic world of Pandora and its creatures, partly reminded me the story of Swapandweep (the Dream Island), I read as a kid and some of my favourite fantasy films.

But, Avatar is beyond that.

Mathematically, Avatar can be simply explained as-

f(Avatar)= f{(Universal Soldier+ Predator + Terminator+ Eragon+ Matrix + Apocalypto + $300mn + Pateince – Story)* epic}

Do your own math and wear the 3-D glasses.

[A note on the context : I believe, Satyajit Ray’s science fiction series Prof Shonku were extremely original, ahead of it’s time kinda imaginative and each of the stories deserves to be made into outstanding films, at probably 1/100th of the budget of Avatar. His ordeals of  making The Alien or the E.T controversy is on the records. He also thought ‘Avatar’ as one of the alternative title for the movie. But I wonder how many people knows the plot concept of Evolution (2001), which is exactly the same as Ray’s another Shonku story Professor Shonku o Golok Rahasya.]



1. Gyanban - Tuesday, 22 December, 2009

you forgot to add Q E D.

Totally true.
~uh~™: Not everyone thinks so. Check the PFC comment section.

2. doctoratlarge - Tuesday, 22 December, 2009

Mind-blowing review. However, for a 3D movie, the review should also be in the same dimensions. Please mail me the glasses as soon as convenient.
~uh~™: Ok, I will email you the glasses with fragile on the subject line.

3. whatsinaname - Wednesday, 23 December, 2009

Good creative writeup there. Cant really comment on the movie since I havent seen it but the truth remains that I am not really into all these fancy digital revolutions and animations.
I want a good story and from whatever little I read about the movie, it certainly lacks in that department. Lets see if I can make it to this!
~uh~™: Watch it like a modern Ramayan.

4. Luz - Monday, 4 January, 2010

a little bit of pocahontas too

5. rj - Sunday, 14 March, 2010

dude that movie blew my fuckin mind

6. 2010 Round up AEIOU ¿ ® « AEIOU ¿ ® - Monday, 3 January, 2011

[…] Avatar : The Alien Ordeal December 2009 5 comments 3 […]

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